Five: Danu's Pigfie Falls in Love and Tinker Goes Out

Danu's Pigfie Falls in Love and Tinker Goes Out

In a tiny (but messy) study, Danu begins her morning by drinking her coffee. She watches her ABJP, Sir Edwin Marthusial Valomyr III, sit by the computer screen, contemplating a crush he has on another resin pig whose owner lives in another state. They have met through Sty of Angels, a forum for ABJP collectors and have promised each other eternal love (via email).

Two pet birds have been brought in to share the beauty of the morning's ritual.
Dreyer: What exactly are we looking at here? Why have we been moved? Are we going to be fed when she finishes her coffee?
Sjöström: Lol wut?
Dreyer: Come again?
Sjöström: N00b. Ph3r teh l33t skillz.
Dreyer: If you don't stop ruffling my feathers, I'll eat your seed treat stick AND mine the next time we get them.
Sjöström: Sorry. I was just trying to get into the whole internet thing.
Dreyer: You're not allowed. You're a bird.
Sjöström: The pig does it.
Dreyer: Pwned!

Sir Edwin sits serenely. Perhaps he is contemplating the beautiful snout of his beloved. Perhaps he counts the endless number of days before they can meet. Perhaps he wonders whether or not their love will become famous, sung about by all the members of Sty of Angels. Perhaps he is simply a toy and can't move on his own.

Enter Tinker, Danu's new roommate, who has just returned to regular life from an extended stay at the County Mental Institute.
Danu: Good morning, Tinker.
Tinker: Good morn--wait--is that a plastic pig in front of the computer?
Danu: Resin. It's an ABJP. He's communing with his love.
Tinker: And I'm the one they locked up in the asylum?

Danu: I see you got your hat back.
Tinker: I sure did! They shrunk my favorite shirt a bit, though. That makes me very mad.
Danu: Uh-huh. What are your plans for today?

Tinker: I will take forth my magic hat, imbued with the ancestral powers of my kind, out into the world, where I will unleash my violent fury onto the deserving! I will dip my hat in their blood, thereby fulfilling the fey promise of my people, and revealing on the hat's surface the rather spiffy tartan pattern of my family!

Danu: Riiiiight. So whereabouts are you going to do all this "unleashing"?
Tinker: Oh, IKEA. I need some furniture for my new room.
Danu: Well, have a nice day.
Tinker: Will do! You, too!

Danu: Freak.
Hey...look at this letter! It says I may already have won!! That's excellent, because it will help defray the cost of that artist's one-off ABJP I just ordered.

A few hours later...

Tinker: Hi, pig.

Tinker: Hi, Danu.
Danu; Your hat......
Tinker: Spiffy with the blood on, innit? Anyway, I'm off to put some posters up in my room before they deliver my furniture. I waved my axe around a bit and they promised to get it here ASAP.

Dreyer: Why's she just sitting there like that? It's like she's frozen.
Sjöström: I don't know, but I hope we get to see the inside of Tinker's room soon!
Dreyer: I hope we get to find out about the pig Sir Edwin loves!
Sjöström: I hope we get to see Danu's new artist's one-off ABJP!
Dreyer: I hope we get seed treat sticks!
Sjöström: I hope we're not all axe murdered by the guy with the hat!
Dreyer: Yeah. I hope that, too.

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