Nine: Danu Participates in a Lottery

Danu Participates in a Lottery

Today's chapter is dedicated to sher and Mercy, who have contributed so much inspiration over the past couple of weeks!

It's early morning in a tiny house, and two little birds are fast asleep and dreaming.
Dreyer: ZzzzZZZZZzzzzz....
Sjöström: ZzzzzZZZZZzzzzz..mmmm....grfff...zzzzzz...
Dreyer: Zzzz..never met a cultured bird like you...would like you to come back to my cage?...zzzzzzmmmmmzzzzzzzzz
Sjöström: ZzzzzzZZZZZ....mommy...groom with your beak, mommy....mmm....treat stick!...ZzzzzzZZZ

Here comes one roommate, sneaking into the computer room on tiptoe.
Tinker: If Danu's gone to work, I can just use her computer while she's out. I'll look up pictures of that cute girl...maybe I can do a web search and find out who she is.

But Danu has not gone to work. In fact, she's still in her robe, making a call on her cell.
Tinker: Wha--!!
Danu: I'll just call into work...Hello? Hello! Yeah, this is Danu. I'm just...I'm a little under the weather today, so I won't be in. Yeah. I'm losing my voice. I think I'm going to start coughing now, so I won't talk much longer. Bye!

Tinker: Oh, dear. You're sick?
Danu: Oh, no. No way. But I have to stay home today to get in on Princess Newnu's Very Limited Edition Limited Edition Pigfie Lottery. Want to see the super customized pigfie that's worth more than any other in the hobby?
Tinker: Not really.
Danu: Okay, hang on. Let me just load it up.

Danu: See? It has a beautiful traditional Japanese Thing That Gets Tied Around You that's handmade by Newnu herself. She only makes three at a time.
Tinker: I wouldn't stay home for that thing. It looks like it has a $3 Barbie scarf wrapped around it.
Danu: I really wish you'd try to understand Japanese culture. It's very beautiful.

Danu: At any rate, I have to stay home today clutching this. It's the most important piece of paper that I've ever held in my entire life.
Tinker: Something tells me that I'm not fully going to agree with you about its importance.
Danu: THIS is a Super Secret Ticket Thingy. It lets me be in the lottery for the pig.
Tinker: I still don't get it. Why do you have to be here to have that ticket? Can't you take it to work with you?
Danu: No, NO!! I have to sit right here, and then when the email comes into my inbox, I have to stand up, chant a prayer, rip my ticket into shreds, count the shreds, and then put the number of shreds into an email back to Princes Newnu. That way, I might be able to get one of the pigfies.
Tinker: How will she know whether you do that? Why not just type, say, "10"?
Danu: Look, I can't explain all this to you. If you need more information, check out the Sty of Angels FAQ.
Tinker: Look, I tell you what. Since we're both here today, why don't we spend the day trying to get to know each other? I'll go get Bob the Security Blanket, curl up on the floor, and we can have a good talk.
Danu: Uh...okay...

Tinker: ...
Danu: ...
Tinker: Say, since you're not using it, can I use your laptop?
Danu: Oh, sure! Good idea!

Eleven AM.
Danu: *clicka clicka clackclak CLICK clickaclickaclicka*
Tinker: *clackalcakclackclakclackSCROLL*

Noon.
Danu: *clicka clicka clackclak CLICK clickaclickaclickaMUNCH*
Tinker: *clackalcakclackclakclackSCROLL*

Two PM.[
Danu: *clicka clicka clackclak CLICK clickaclickaclicka*
Tinker: *clackalcakclackclakclackSCROLLslurpmunch*

Four PM.
Danu: *clicka clicka clackclak CLICK clickaclickaclicka*
Tinker: *clackalcakclackclakclackSCROLL CRUNCHCRUNCHCRUNCH*
Suddenly, Danu's email program squawks. Be DEE beep!
Danu: OH MY GOD! My email is here! It's here. Oh my god. Must stay calm. Must do chant.

Danu: Oh dear god, one two THREE, please send me...a limited pigFIE. Oh dear god, one two THREE, please send me...a limited pigFIE. Oh dear god, one two THREE, please send me...a limited pigFIE.
Tinker: Are you hopping on one foot?
Danu: YES!! I'm supposed to. Now to tear my ticket. Let's see...SEVEN! Seven shreds! Gotta get that email in!

Danu: Pleasepleasepleaseplease. This is the most nerve-wracking moment of my entire life.
Be DEE beep!
Danu: Oh! My answer's here already! Oh oihohohohohoho!

Danu: WELL, POOPER SCOOPER!! I took off work for THIS?
Tinker: What? What does your reply say?
Danu: "This edition pigfie is not available in North America on any date except the Ides of March to people with a "u" in their first names. Please try again next time! Your credit card has been charged $174.82 for the privilege of joining us."

Danu: *sigh* I can't believe this. Oh, well. I had a contingency plan. If I couldn't get the pigfie, I was going to spend all that money on an OOAK outfit I saw on eBay. Just...one click...gosh, I love Buy It Now...and it's mine! The ONLY one. Now my pigfie will be more special than the others.
Tinker: You could have just SAVED the money.
Danu: Don't be silly. I think I'll just post to Sty of Angels about my new outfit...let's see...okay...HEY! HEY!!!
Tinker: What now?
Danu: Someone else on Sty of Angels has posted my OOAK outfit! It isn't OOAK!!! Someone else has it! I'm totally taking that seller to court! I'm going to sue her whole family! I'm going to sue her whole STATE!
Tinker: Over a plastic pig outfit?

Danu: I've had it with the competition in this hobby. I'm going to do something on my own. Something totally my own. Something I can control and that will be drama-free.
Tinker: Uh-hunh. What's that, then?
Danu: I'm going to start the first ABJP Wiki.

Dreyer: Zzzzzzz.zzzzzzzzz.zzzzzz....this telephone wire's all mine, and nobody else's....zzzzzzz.....
Sjöström: Zzzzzzmmmmmzmzmzzmzzzzzz....mommy, I'm a unique snowflake, aren't I?....zzzzzz....*snort*.....zzzzzz
Tinker: I'm going back to bed. For a week.

COME JOIN THE FUN! You can find Danu's wiki at http://superpigfies.wikispaces.com
It's open to the public, so come add some of your collective pigfie wisdom!!
Feel free to add!