Twelve: Danu Experiences a Tragedy

Danu Experiences a Tragedy

Steel yourselves. This is one of those "very special episodes" in which something tragic and meaningful happens.
Expect to shed a few tears. I hope you enjoy it.

In a tiny house, two pet birds have been entrusted with a terribly important duty.
Sjöström: Wow. I can't believe Cameron dropped off his KIDS with us for the day! We get to baby sit!
Dreyer: Don't get so excited. We have to take this responsibility really seriously. These are tiny lives.
Sjöström: What should we do? Do we have to sit on them to keep them warm?
Dreyer: No, but we should...hmm...do something educational with them. Something fun, but still meaningful. They're at a very impressionable age.
Sjöström: Maybe we could play Grand Theft Auto with them! I hear it's all the rage with youngsters!
Dreyer: I meant more like playing with letter blocks.
Sjöström: We don't have any letter blocks.
Dreyer: Yeah. This parenting thing is kinda boring, actually.
Sjöström: Maybe we should take our afternoon nap.
Dreyer: Good idea, although it IS only seven a.m..

Danu is up early, and is busily working on the computer. Tinker, who has not yet been to bed, responds to his email.
Danu: WHOO HOO!!
Tinker: What's up?
Danu: They made me a Modlet on Sty of Angels!!
Tinker: What's a Modlet?
Danu: It's like a moderator, except I can only move posts to other forums and change the color of fonts in people's signatures. And I can see moderator chat, although I'm not allowed to say anything in the chat.
Tinker: That's...uh...great. Sounds like you'll have to use all that power wisely. Danu: Oh, I mean to.
Tinker: You got up this early just for that?
Danu: No, I'm also running a group order for HogSong!Korea. I've got about 23 people signed up so far, all of whom are counting on ME to get their orders in and shipped on time. It's a big job, and an important one. If I let them down, some pigfie might not get some fake leather hoof-high boots on time.

Danu: Check it out. I'm about to perform my first act as a modlet. I'm going to move this WTB thread that's misplaced in General Discussion to the Marketplace.
Tinker: Impressive. Just like that. Say, are you hungry?
Danu: Sure.

Dreyer & Sjöström: ZzzzzzZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZzzZz....
Tinker: Hey, check this out. Farm fresh eggs. Danu must've put them in a little nest to be funny. What a freak.

Tinker sings as he cooks.
Tinker: Lord, I was born a scramblin' maaaaaan, Tryin' to make a breakfast and doin' the best I caaaaaaan!
Danu: Sssh, can you hush? I'm trying to calculate relative shipping on this group order and I forgot how to divide by fractions.
Tinker: Can't you use a calculator?
Danu: There aren't any in my size.

Tinker: Mmm, that was a GOOD breakfast, eh?
Danu: Hmm...how many places do you move the decimal? I just can't remember...three or four...and you add a zero? Or is that for percentages?

Dreyer: Mpffh. *yawn* Oooooh, that was a good nap. How did you kids sleep? Kids? Kids? OH MY GOD!! Sjöström!! WAKE UP! THE KIDS ARE GONE!!

Danu: Oh, hey! I got a PM! Well! I NEVER! That woman called me a...she said I was the biggest...my GOD, what does THAT word mean?! And is that a picture of a naked...woah. I didn't know they came that big. HMPF! All I did was move her WTB thread to the marketplace! You'd think I'd killed her children or something.

Danu: You know, it's a sad day when someone who volunteers her time to help a community can be railed against with such acerbic rancor. I'm just helping. I'm just doing my part because I feel it's important to contribute to any community of which you're a part.
Tinker: I find that statement amusing, since you've never voted in a local or national election or done any community service around this town.
Danu: I meant important communities.
Tinker: Is that shaft of light natural, or did we finally get a special effects budget?

Dreyer and Sjöström: AAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH! THE BABIES ARE GONE! THE BABIES ARE GONE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELP US! SOMEBODY STOLE OUR BABIES! A DINGO TOOK OUR BABIES! HELP! HELP!!

Danu: I just find it tragic when people who are trying to help are treated so poorly. I mean, first this, and now I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of flack because I just charged everyone the same amount for the shipping on our group order since I couldn't figure it out.
Tinker: How much did you charge them?
Danu: $250 each. I figured that should cover it.
Tinker: Two hundred fifty dollars each?? For shipping!? Yeah, they're gonna flip out. That's ridiculous.
Danu: Oh, no. Did I misplace a decimal again?*

Danu: It just feels like nothing I do is appreciated. I'd like to see THEM try to move posts or set up group orders with decimals. Oooh, now I have a headache. I feel like my resin's going to crack.

Dreyer: Okay. Okay. When Cameron comes back, we'll just tell him the truth.
Sjöström: That we fell asleep and someone took the babies?
Dreyer: No, not that truth. The one in which the dingo took the babies.
Sjöström: What is a dingo, anyway?
Dreyer: No idea. I just heard on Lifetime that they steal babies in Australia.
Sjöström: Will it poke a hole in our story that we're in America?
Dreyer: Do you have a better idea?
Sjöström: Maybe we could just play dead when Cameron comes back. That way I won't have to remember what to say.

Tinker: Geez, what's wrong with the birds today? They're all worked up over something.
Sjöström: What's the smell coming from that plate? It's kind of familiar.
Dreyer: Will you pay attention? We've got to rehearse our story. Repeat after me:
"And then I saw a piece of the nest, and it had teeth marks in it."
Sjöström: But I didn't see any of the nest!
Dreyer: Look, how about this? You just act like yourself, and I'll say you did it.
Sjöström: Hunh? Ooooh. Oh. I see. Yeah. That works. You're always so smart. I'm glad you're here to help me with things.
Dreyer: I do try to give something back.

*1992's Teen Talk Barbie proved that fashion dolls have trouble understanding mathematics.